I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
