He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
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