I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
