After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
