the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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