My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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