His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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