You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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