i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
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Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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