Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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