drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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