sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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