You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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