i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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