you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
