When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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