I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
