around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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