If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize