you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
