I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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