I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
should my penis look like a turkey
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
