can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
