I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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