FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
