Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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