i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
