naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
