I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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