Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
