Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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