I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
