I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
