Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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