My friends, they love my intelligence
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
