Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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