I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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