i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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