I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
