what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
