this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Congratulations! We have a period
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
