i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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