sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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