all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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