Your face is a jimmy john
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
