Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
