the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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