allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He passed out mid-signature
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
