I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
