i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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