My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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