i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
