The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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