please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
