He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
