I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
