Yo dont text me then not text me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
