TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
