Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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