i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
