Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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