it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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