Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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