When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
