she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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