I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
