my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
