I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
