Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
