He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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