If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
