1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
