I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
