This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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