she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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