Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
