I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
