Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Boobs speak an international language.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
