Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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